Divine Amnesia? God Baffled by His Own Creation of Unattractive Humans
Ever had one of those days where you stare in the mirror, squint a little, and wonder if the Creator was on a caffeine crash when sculpting your face? Believe me, you’re not alone . Turns out, even God Himself apparently can’t recall exactly what drove Him to roll out humanity’s… let’s say “quirkier” features . Who among us hasn’t pondered—was the double chin a divine afterthought, or did nose hair once have its own celestial fanclub? As a veteran of the internet’s wild, pixelated battlegrounds, I’ve seen algorithm updates less confusing than this heavenly design decision . If you’re dying to know why the world isn’t populated solely with supermodels, and why Dennis Quaid may be our new template, put down your tweezers and dive into the full celestial conundrum here: LEARN MORE.
THE HEAVENS—Scratching His head and rifling through His notes as He tried to recall His reasoning for the decision, The Lord God, Supreme Creator of the Universe, reportedly struggled to remember on Friday why He made so many ugly people. “I could have given everyone on Earth perfect, symmetrical proportions, so why didn’t I?” wondered the all-powerful deity aloud to Himself, adding that there was “no obvious rationale”behind why He’d chosen to give so many humans weak jawlines, cystic acne, buck teeth, or receding hairlines. “Did I make them ugly to punish them? Did I just get lazy? Maybe I thought at one point that excessive hair, cellulite, or goiters were attractive. I’m omnipotent, so I should remember this. All I know is that 90% of them are pretty hard to look at most of the time.” At press time, a frustrated God announced that He would correct His mistake by remaking everyone in the image of Dennis Quaid.
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