Secret Symbolism? Interior Department Greenlights Controversial Trump Commemorative Eagle
Ever wondered what America’s most majestic bird would look like if it crash-landed into the world of presidential memorabilia and never quite flew again? Me too—except I pictured, you know, maybe a snazzy commemorative plate, not a bald eagle sporting Donald Trump’s face scorched onto its chest and feathers so gilded it couldn’t even get off the ground . Honestly, if you’d told me the Interior Department was about to unleash this golden, flightless, collector’s fever dream, I’d have said you must be hallucinating from sniffing too many flag pins . But here we are, living in a timeline where you can order a bird that glitters, glowers, and probably holds a grudge—all in the name of supporting your favorite commander-in-chief . Is this art, or just late-stage capitalism taking on a set of talons? Either way, you won’t want to miss the details . LEARN MORE.
WASHINGTON—Hailing the patriotically modified bird of prey as a must-have for any supporter of the president, the U.S. Department of the Interior announced Wednesday it would soon issue a Donald Trump commemorative eagle. “Whether you’re a raptor collector or just looking for a unique way to pay tribute to your favorite commander-in-chief, this adult bald eagle with President Trump’s face branded into its breast is for you,” said Interior Secretary Doug Burgum, noting that the red-hot iron used to mark the animal penetrated all the way to its chest skin so that the president’s likeness would remain pristinely intact even after the bird regrew its incinerated plumage. “You’ll also appreciate fine details like the numbers ‘45’ and ‘47’ engraved into either side of the eagle’s beak, as well as feathers glazed in 24-karat gold that make flight impossible for the bird but massively increase its investment value.” Burgum urged consumers to place their orders quickly, as the production run would be capped at 500 but could be fewer if environmental deregulation drove the bald eagle to extinction first.
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