Chris Hansen Reveals the Real Story Behind His Controversial Breakdances After Catching Predators
Hold onto your gold chains and questionable bucket hats—because did you ever imagine a world where Chris Hansen, the fearless face of To Catch A Predator, would have to defend his right to… breakdance? No, really, I mean it. Apparently, true justice isn’t served in a dimly-lit kitchen unless accompanied by a spinning headstand and a precisely chosen beat. As a marketer (and long-time connoisseur of scandalous Hollywood omissions), I can’t help feeling personally affronted—how dare Hollywood rob us of the chance to watch Robert Pattinson, no less, flop sweat his way through a moonwalk after nabbing a creep! Where’s the humanity? The spandex? The sheer jazz? This entire fiasco has me wondering—if Chris Hansen can’t windmill after a bust, should any of us even bother reporting for duty in parachute pants? Dive into a satirical saga that somehow makes Dateline feel like Step Up 3: Predator Patrol. LEARN MORE.
LOS ANGELES—Ripping apart the film’s “egregious” omission, former To Catch A Predator host Chris Hansen took to social media Tuesday to slam Primetime for its inaccurate portrayal of the celebratory breakdances he performed every time he caught a pedophile. “Obviously, I’m a little biased since the character is based on me, but I was shocked to sit through the entire film and not once see [Robert Pattinson] throw down a sheet of cardboard and start spinning on his head to rejoice at another predator apprehended,” said Hansen, claiming he was not once consulted by director Lance Oppenheim on either the meticulously choreographed routines or the song choices he tailored to every unique pedophile’s chat logs and background. “I’m not sure what the point of doing a To Catch A Predator movie is if you’re not even going to show the reality of how I’d don my iconic gold ‘HAVE A SEAT’ chain and ‘SHE’S 16’ bucket hat, then hit a standing backflip while the cops slapped on the handcuffs. If you need evidence that the film is a hit piece on me, look no further than the fact that Robert Pattinson plays me as a dark, cynical individual who never even pops-and-locks in parachute pants.” Hansen also announced he would take out ads before every screening of the film to show audiences how to pull off his signature moves.
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