Elizabeth Holmes Breaks Silence: Shocking Confessions Revealed in Exclusive Onion Interview
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to spend your last month of freedom knowing prison orange is your next fall color? I mean, it’s gotta be a lot like prepping for Burning Man, except the only thing burning is your reputation—and the closest thing to art installations is whatever contraband folks are sculpting in the yard . When “You Can See Everything,” the new documentary on Elizabeth Holmes, hit my screener, I expected Silicon Valley’s favorite deep-voiced disruptor to spill a little tea and maybe a few vials (of blood, naturally—she’s on brand) . Instead, what I found is less tech mogul, more comedian-in-training trapped in an SNL fever dream . Want to know what happens when The Onion sits down with “Monk’s” number one fan, a lost fortune, and a phone call on eternal hold with Walgreens? LEARN MORE.
You Can See Everything, a documentary that follows Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes in the month before her prison sentence, has debuted to critical acclaim. The Onion sat down with Holmes to discuss what’s new.
The Onion : Can we get you anything before starting?
Elizabeth Holmes: I would love a glass of $12 million.
The Onion : How are you feeling?
Billy Evans: I’ll take this. She’s feeling great, thanks.
The Onion : What piece of media would you say is the most accurate depiction of who you truly are?
Holmes: Probably the show Monk.
The Onion : Have you lost a lot of friends due to your legal troubles?
Holmes: Yes. That is what happened. I did have lots of friends, but I lost them.
The Onion : Are you still in touch with Walgreens?
Holmes: I’ve been on hold on the phone with them for about 10 years now.
The Onion : Is there anything you think the public misunderstands?
Holmes: Theranos only used blood from stray dogs we lured to our dog abattoir; no one missed those dogs.
The Onion : Does your family still trust you?
Holmes: Absolutely. Don’t tell them I’m in prison, though. They think I’m on vacation in Jamaica.
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