Jason Momoa Held Hostage, Forced to Read Mysterious ‘Candy Crush Saga’ Movie Script
Ever woken up with a pounding headache and the dreadful realization you’ve signed up for something… unusual? Now, imagine you’re Jason Momoa—your calendar already looks like a game of Tetris gone mad—and suddenly you’re tied to a chair in some grimy warehouse, someone’s slapping you awake with a movie script, and you’re expected to channel Mr. Toffee from Candy Crush Saga, hat, monocle and all. I can’t decide what’s more disturbing: the existential terror of forced video game movies or the fact that even Aquaman isn’t safe from Hollywood’s endless content mill. Why are we obsessed with making movies out of literally anything with an app icon? Maybe somewhere there’s a group of movie execs who think kidnapping is a viable casting strategy. Sweet dreams, right? Have a peek behind the sugar-coated curtain—this rabbit hole only gets wilder. LEARN MORE.
LOS ANGELES—Regaining consciousness just as a masked captor slapped him across the face with the script, actor Jason Momoa reportedly woke up Tuesday tied to a chair in an empty warehouse facing the screenplay for a Candy Crush Saga movie. “You are Mr. Toffee now,” said a low, menacing voice that came from behind a blaring spotlight as a frightened Momoa stammered that he did not have enough time to star in another video game adaptation with the press cycle for Street Fighter coming up. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. All you have to do is put on this hat and monocle, and read the part where you say ‘I sell the best sweets in all of Candy Town.’ Remember, we know where your children are. You wouldn’t want us to have to repeat what we did for A Minecraft Movie, would you?” At press time, Momoa had escaped the warehouse only to be immediately abducted by producers for a Subway Surfers adaptation.
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