Mysterious Citywide Lockdown Hits Chicago—What’s Happening During Lollapalooza?
Ever felt like you aged a decade just by glancing at a Lollapalooza lineup? Same . As the thump of bass drops and the clouds of vape smoke descend upon Chicago, anyone over 25 knows in their marrow (and probably their knees) that it’s safest to watch the chaos from behind closed blinds—with an emergency supply of earplugs and perhaps a vintage bottle of antacids from 2013 . Seriously, should mere proximity to mosh pits come with hazard pay for adults? In a citywide move that feels more self-preservation than policy, officials are (ironically, but also, not really) urging the over-25 crowd to shelter in place until the festival madness blows over . Honestly, is protecting your sanity now just a municipal directive? For more on this master class in generational survival, LEARN MORE
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