Oklahoma Outlaws Love-Based Marriages—But Why?
Can you hear wedding bells—or is that just the ominous chime of another state regulation rolling in? Now, call me sentimental, but I always thought love was supposed to get top billing at a wedding—at the very least a mention somewhere between the industrial-strength hairspray and mom’s third glass of pinot . Yet, in a move that would make even the least romantic of your great-aunts gasp, Oklahoma’s lawmakers have locked arms and strolled straight back to biblical times, closing the chapel doors on marrying for love . I mean, really—will anyone bother catching the bouquet if there’s not a shred of affection in the room? Or do we toss livestock instead now? I haven’t seen this kind of marital drama since my cousin tried to elope with a magician (spoiler: it vanished). If you’re itching to see just how far matrimonial “progress” can regress—or simply need to comfort your hopelessly romantic heart with a hearty laugh—this one’s for you . LEARN MORE
OKLAHOMA CITY—In what is being hailed as a massive win for the state’s conservative lawmakers, the Oklahoma Legislature approved a new measure Tuesday that strictly bans marrying for love. “Marriage should be a holy union between a man and a woman who wants to aggressively procreate, not a couple who shares a profound romantic bond,” Gov. Kevin Stitt said as he signed into law the bill that restores marriage to its status as a legal transfer of property from one man to another. “Nowhere in Scripture does it mention soulmates or butterflies in the stomach. This law will not only ensure future generations maintain the empty, transactional nature of matrimony practiced in biblical times, but it will also be applied retroactively to dissolve the marriages of any couples who are currently in love. Divorce will no longer be recognized by the state except in cases where feelings have developed.” Gov. Stitt went on to praise the new law for protecting the children of loving marriages who might find it confusing to grow up in a family with two parents who share an emotional connection founded on passion and mutual respect.
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