Shocking Powerball Twist: Why You Might Now Have to Write an Essay to Win Millions
Just when you thought your odds of winning the Powerball couldn’t get more…academic, here comes the latest twist—now you have to woo Lady Luck with a 2,000-word essay in Times New Roman. I mean, is it just me, or does this feel less like a lottery ticket and more like applying to a particularly judgmental liberal arts college? The mere thought makes my caffeine-fueled heart race—who knew a jackpot aspirant had to summon not just numbers, but the very soul of personal narrative? Sure, you still have to pick five white balls and a red one, but now you also have to bare your deepest identity crises (preferably in crisp MLA format) to a committee who’ll—wait for it—not actually read it, since the winner is still chosen at random . So, sharpen those pencils and dust off your thesaurus, because the only thing standing between you and $500 million might just be your feelings about character growth…in exactly 12-point font. Does the universe really want you to be rich, or does it just want to see you sweat over a conclusion paragraph? LEARN MORE
CLIVE, IA—In an effort to make their selection process more robust and holistic, officials at the multistate lottery game Powerball announced Friday the addition of an essay section. “In order to learn more about the wide range of people interested in becoming Powerball winners, we’re asking that all entrants include a 2,000-word supplemental essay along with their Powerball numbers,” said spokeswoman Jenna McGill, who explained that each participant must submit their work in single-spaced, 12-point Times New Roman font, writing on the topic of how their life experiences have shaped their identity and why they are uniquely qualified to win the lottery. “We have an incredibly large and diverse pool of individuals interested in our jackpot, and this new requirement allows us to hear more about your point of view and how you might fit into the Powerball winners community. We’re confident this new section will allow us to know each lottery player better before we announce our big winner, whose selection will continue to be completely random.” Powerball later released an addendum clarifying that all essays not written in proper MLA style would be immediately disqualified.
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