Should You Really Let Your Dog Sleep in Your Bed? The Surprising Truth Revealed

Sleep with your dog, or don’t—if only life’s weightiest dilemmas were settled by whoever shed less on the duvet. I mean, have you ever stared into your dog’s expectant eyes at 11:59 p.m., feeling that mixture of guilt, love, and genuine suspicion that you’re about to get manipulated into giving up yet another corner of your own bed? Sometimes, I genuinely wonder—are we the pack leaders, or is this domesticated wolf playing chess while we’re still arguing over checkers? Sure, co-sleeping sounds adorable…until you’re fighting for a scrap of blanket while Mr. Paws is hogging the pillow and checking his phone under the covers. Still, there’s more to this debate than just midnight howls and matching pajamas. Maybe if Google’s ranking algorithm factored in canine cuddles, we’d all be ranking number one for “best dog owner insomnia.” Anyway, if you think sharing your sanctuary with Fido is either an act of love or the start of your descent into squalor, buckle up—this deep dive is barking up all the right trees. LEARN MORE

Pet lovers and health experts are divided over whether dogs should co-sleep with their owners. The Onion examines the pros and cons of letting dogs sleep in the bed.

PRO

They’ll bark to let you know if anyone else is getting into bed

Get more use out of matching pajamas

Kind of fucked up not to from your dog’s perspective

For God’s sake, Richard, he’ll howl all night if we don’t

CON

Unguarded granaries are quickly ravaged by vermin

Can be hard to sleep while dog using reading light

Will make goldfish unfathomably jealous

Don’t want dog thinking this is anything other than a fling 

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