The Shocking Moments That Shattered 82 Lifelong Friendships Forever
They started believing in race science, eugenics and equating inequality to differences in IQ scores without considering variables like financial stability, family support or educational opportunities. I don’t associate with folks who put stock in bigoted worldviews, even if they think they’re being well meaning by suggesting eugenics would end inequality between ethnic groups.
They didn’t know what to say to me after the tragic loss of two of my kids in a house fire.
My wife was the last one of us to talk to him. He was pacing in the parking lot of the church the memorial service was being held at. My wife said to him that I needed him because she was afraid that I was going to mentally spiral. He told her that he didn’t know what to say.
She told him that he didn’t need to say anything. To just show up and be present.
He walked away from the building towards the parked cars. He never reached out.
That was 17 years ago.
Her husband threatened to beat me up because I told him he should wear masks during Covid times.
Money. He had a problem with paying it back but always had money to go out and party.
I introduced them to a bunch of my fun new friends and the next time they came in town they made plans with my friends and not me. I was suddenly cut out. That was the end of that. We never spoke again. I wrote him an apology letter this year (10 + years later) for over reacting but honestly I think that apology was for me, I needed to let go of my anger. I finally did. I wish him well.
Grew up with this guy, pretty much spent my childhood with him.
I ended up moving back to my home country(Japan) and one day his wife hits me up asking if we want to do a snack exchange for their kids so I bought over $100 worth of Japanese snacks like Kit Kats and sent it over to where they lived in Arizona.
Took about a 3 months to realize they didn’t even attempt to ship me American snacks. So I just cut him off.
Friendship lost over a mere $100. Guess nothing of value was lost except the money I spent.
She was incredibly flippant about my needs in the friendship. When I put up a boundary (albeit a reasonable boundary in general), she wasn’t willing to accept it without making sure I knew how bad she felt I was. I did my best to continue the friendship whilst keeping my boundaries up. Eventually I asked her to go to therapy with me and we wrote each other letters to read in therapy. My letter discussed how much she meant to me and how I never meant to hurt her but needed this for me. Her letter was 2 pages about how I’m a liar, a bad person, manipulative, vindictive, etc; no accountability. I can’t get over that. She tried to take it back when she finished my letter but Ill never be able to unsee the things she wrote. What kind of things does she say behind my back if she was willing to say those horrible things to my face?
I experienced a psychosis episode and pushed her away. She told me she’d be there for me no matter what and I told her I don’t think that could be accomplished. Years later I found the convo she and I had had and I didn’t have any recollection of it. Psychosis is not a fun time.
Oooh the weirdest one was they were possessive about the friendship. Like they’re genuinely not happy when I have friends/date outside the group.
With longer friendships it means that one person may experience a lot more that ‘grows them up’ and they no longer relate with their friend. It’s different life stages.
Another point is a friendship based on an earlier relationship dynamic that no longer works. For me it was me being a quiet and introverted person who went with the flow and gravitated towards a very outspoken and dominant friend. We were friends for almost fifteen years. When I grew into my own and had stronger sense of self and my own boundaries I then found myself in more friction with this person. When I stood up for myself even against her she dropped me.
I still mourn the friendship because I think back to earlier times. But the truth is that I couldn’t be truthful to who I am now while being subservient to her in our interactions.
I was being used as a therapist after repeatedly telling this person, “I cannot help you with your boyfriend. Please seek professional help”. I would wake up to messages and stories of how their partner messed up their night/morning/afternoon. It becomes exhausting to listen to and I had my own stuff going on.
It’s usually when I stop making all the effort to reach out and make plans. I’ve had two people drop me as a friend because I stopped reaching out and making all the plans, coordinating all the logistics, paying for stuff, etc. And to be clear, I ALWAYS initiated. in return they told me that I was a bad and selfish friend who never checked on them. In both scenarios I went back and re-read text messages across years and saw that all of our conversations always centered around them and never what was going on in my life.
I don’t regret losing those friendships.
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