The Surprising Secrets Most Entrepreneurs Don’t Know When Launching a Business
Is it just me, or do you also wake up every morning wondering which business trend you should sell your soul to next? Oh honey, the world of entrepreneurship is like a Vegas buffet—endless options, blinding lights, and about a 7% chance you’ll walk away richer than you started . But let’s be honest, can anyone really resist the siren call of working 100-hour weeks for the privilege of drinking cold coffee beside a stack of wildly optimistic napkin-notes? Experts keep chirping about capital, mentors, and networking—but I say pour yourself a mimosa and ask the real question: how fast can I cram donuts, dogs, and Shaq into a business plan before AI ruins it all? If you’ve ever fantasized about chasing glimmering gold down gutters only to trip over your own hashtag, you’re in the right place . LEARN MORE
Experts say becoming an entrepreneur is possible with the right combination of capital, networking, knowledge, and mentorship. The Onion shares tips for starting your own business.
Figure out what people want, and taint it with AI.
Ensure you have enough savings to survive for the six days until you give up.
Make a detailed business plan that covers at least two sides of a napkin.
Have your parents start a wildly successful business first.
Identify a donut-based problem or need in your community.
People like dogs, right? So…maybe something with dogs?
Add your company name to the Shaq celebrity endorsement sign-up sheet.
Try your luck in the New World, where gold piles up in the gutters when the washerwomen tire of it.
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