Why Is This Mom Turning Her Birthday Into the Year’s Most Unforgettable Event?
Ever noticed how moms spend 364 days a year wrapped up in everyone else’s chaos, then—just once—they decide to have, you know, a MOMENT? And then the pitchforks come out! I mean, is it really so criminal for a mother to want a smidgen of attention on her own birthday? Or does the maternal job description have some teensy clause where she quietly celebrates in the garage between folding socks and hosting Aunt Becky for coffee (oh joy)? I thought birthdays were supposed to be for the birthday person, but apparently in Davenport, Iowa, it’s a group project where feelings run high and breakfasts-in-bed become contested territory. Anyway, the Sullivan family saga is the kind of absurd, passive-aggressive birthday drama that makes me question if we should all just agree to skip the whole tradition and order takeout. Want to see just how gloriously petty family celebrations can get? LEARN MORE.
DAVENPORT, IA—In a shocking and distressing display of self-centered behavior on “this day of all days,” the grown children of Lynn Sullivan confirmed Thursday that their mom was making her birthday entirely about her. “It’s just ‘me, me, me,’ with her today. Unbelievable,” said 19-year-old son Brian Sullivan, who was reportedly upset by the lack of attention he received on his mother’s 53rd birthday that morning. “She just thinks the world revolves around her, even when it’s her birthday. She could’ve asked if maybe I might like some breakfast in bed too, but no—all she cared about was getting hers. And I guess she just decided that Aunt Becky is gonna come over for coffee later? I don’t remember agreeing to that, but okay. God, this is the exact same shit she pulled on Mother’s Day.” At press time, Sullivan expressed relief that his mom would at least still be cooking dinner that evening.
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