71 Savage Insults Shared by Real People That Will Leave You Speechless
So, you want to throw a zinger that actually lands — not some tired string of curses that everyone’s heard a million times before? Crafting a clever insult that’s as funny as it is cutting isn’t exactly piecing together IKEA furniture, but it sure takes some skill and a pinch of wit. Lucky for us, a couple of Redditors stirred the pot by asking the internet’s finest to share their most memorable burns, resulting in a treasure trove of wickedly smart comebacks. Whether you’re sharpening your mental swords for the next feisty encounter or just savoring the art of the insult, this collection will have you chuckling and jotting notes. Ready to get your comeback game on point? Let’s dive in.
If you want to put someone in their place, your first instinct might be to throw every foul word you know at them and call it a day. That’s definitely the easier route. Coming up with something that’s actually clever and funny enough to sting takes a little more creativity.
Thankfully, when two Redditors asked people to share their favorite insults, people had plenty to offer. We’ve rounded up some of the best below. Scroll down, take notes and save your favorites for when you need them.
In 8th grade I told a teacher, “If I was half the man you were, I’d be a quarter of the man I am.” I said stupid things all the time without any forethought, so I was impressed when that one made sense. Teacher was too, but he made me write everything on the whiteboard anyway. I’ve used it sparingly since then. It starts out sounding like a compliment, but ends up being an insult, so it takes people by surprise when used in light banter.
You remind me of Rapunzel. Only where Rapunzel let down her hair, you let down everyone in your life.
Got in a bit of an altercation with my partner’s ex out at the bar. She’s literally one inch taller than legally being a little person. So 4’11 I think.
When she started getting mouthy I stole a line from the Office and told her to
“Calm down, booster seat. No ones talking to you”
Instantly shut the convo down. Was glorious.
Charlie Brooker:
Describing Ann Widdecombe as having “a face like a haunted cave”
Or Paul Potts as having “a face like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man reading a disappointing bank statement”
Or Bill O’Reilly as looking like “a tortoise that’s learned to enjoy the smell of its own farts”
And about himself: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity, because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I’ve got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.”.
In overwatch last night someone reported my team mate because her aim was too good and said “reported for aimbotting” in match chat. When we beat them (fairly, she’s just an insanely good shot, no aim bot required) my other team mate Just responded with “reported for smooth brain” and something about that has had me cackling ever since. I keep thinking about it and just bursting into fits of giggles.
Once heard a very drunk man scream “YOU ARE WALT DISNEY’S WORST CREATION” at some random woman in a pub. I was pretty impressed with that one.
I heard this the other day. Two big burly bearded guys messing around and one had a good dig at the other but second guy retorts:
“Please don’t mind my lesbian sister.”.
I have much better things to do, like breath over there away from you.
From Full Metal jacket “Did your parents have any children that lived” followed by “You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece”.
Seven and a half million years of evolution and your poor mother still somehow gave birth to a baboon.
I would challenged you to a battle of wits, but I can see that you are unarmed!
Light travels faster than sound, that’s why you appear bright until you speak.
My friends and I were in that insult phase in high school and tried to see who could come up with the best zinger. These are the best one:
“Is that your face or did your neck throw up?”.
“Tiny-brained wiper of other people’s bottoms”
It sounds more insulting if you say it with a bad French accent.
Source: Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
“you rude crude lewd bag of pre-chewed food dude” – Peter Pan.
For years, a (very Scottish) teacher used to call anyone that did anything stupid “a plank”. One day a kid whose surname was “Brown” was made to stand up and read in front of the class and he couldn’t pronounce a very simpe word. He stood there looking stupid and went to scratch his head and the teacher said.
“Broon ya utter plank, dinnae scratch yur heid, you’ll get a splinter”.
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