Obsessive Ex’s Shocking Threat Reveals a Twisted Kind of Devotion

Obsessive Ex’s Shocking Threat Reveals a Twisted Kind of Devotion

Has love ever left you looking over your shoulder—or maybe ducking behind a shrubbery? I have to ask, in a world where “putting yourself out there” usually means a regrettable midnight text or an ambiguous emoji, what happens when someone expresses devotion with a tad more… menace? Let’s be real—modern romance skews a lot closer to Hitchcock than Hallmark some days, and few things capture that wild pendulum swing between affection and alarm like a meticulously handwritten death threat from your ex. Reading today’s jaw-dropping piece on the ultimate sign that “he cares”—and cares just a little too much—I couldn’t help but marvel at the creative energy that goes into personalized threats. Are we sure Shakespeare’s sonnets are still the gold standard for tortured love? Either way, buckle up, because this story will have you questioning if maybe that daily drive-by is just a dark twist on chivalry gone off the rails. LEARN MORE.

CHANDLER, AZ—Noting that he had shown a lot of vulnerability by communicating his true feelings so explicitly, sources confirmed Thursday that an ex’s death threat proved how much he really cares. “When you two were together you often felt that he didn’t put in any effort, so it’s not really fair to turn around and complain about it now,” said those close to the situation, adding that the ex had thoughtfully created an alarming handwritten note with very personalized threats to kill and dismember. “He’s been driving by the house at least once a day, which is pretty romantic when you ignore that dead look in his eyes. Plus, it was really sweet of him to turn up when your cat died, although it was kind of weird that he knew about that without you telling him.” At press time, sources confirmed the ex was walking toward the car with a huge wrench, which was convenient because the vehicle randomly had four flat tires.

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