Divorced Men Reveal Shocking Red Flags They Ignored Before Their Marriages Crumbled
At the same time, hindsight should not create the illusion that every failed marriage contained an obvious roadmap to divorce. Some problems are genuinely ambiguous while they are happening, and a person making sense of the past has the benefit of information that their earlier self simply did not possess.
Marriage therapy/counseling should be like routine car maintenance in a relationship. We didn’t have any big issues but small issues simmered and resentment grew over time. Counseling helps clear that toxic resentment out but if you start during a relationship d***h spiral, it won’t likely help much. .
Better learn to shut up and listen, dude. Stop fixing. Start listening. Learn to validate and get over yourself.
Actually write out the house chores, the chores for having guests over, the chores for going on holiday.
Also, stay reliable. My spouse could cope doing 80% of the chores, what broke us was when I couldn’t reliably do the other 20%.
Other times, the biggest lesson is accepting that not every ending could have been predicted or prevented. Looking back can offer clarity, but it can also be easy to judge the past with knowledge that was unavailable at the time. What do you think someone should never ignore in a marriage? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
Stay away from divorce forums- including Reddit.
You cannot describe 20 years of marriage in a way where anyone actually cares.
People will judge you no matter what.
The things she is asking for are small. Don’t get in your head about how she isn’t doing those things for you, just do them for her. Your marriage is good and the problems you think are problems are not. Don’t be comfortable thinking it will work it self out and she will stay. She’s not hard to read and you know her. Don’t sabotage your happiness when she is there. When she isn’t it will hurt a lot more.
Edit: I’ve read my own comment probably 100 times now and each time it makes me breakdown, even now. I had everything I wanted and my own arrogance and selfishness pushed her away. When she stopped asking I didn’t even notice and it was too late by that point. Knowing how her pain felt, as I’m living it now makes me feel like a monster. She was crying on the inside and I made it happen. She isn’t and won’t ever be coming back. I wish I could have told myself these things when I had her, I would have changed. .
You’re not happy. This isn’t fun. Divorce is probably the easiest change to make. If you want to fix yourself and the way you interact with your family, you need to fundamentally change everything. The career you’ve been building for the past decade needs to simply be maintained, you can trust FMLA. Your role within your extended family only exists in your own head, and you can change the assignment you’ve given yourself. Your family isn’t the thing that lacks happiness, it’s you. You could be happy homeless & broke.
I didn’t feel blindsided by the divorce, but I did feel blindsided by the affair. When she explained why she did it, it was a lot of “I’ve been trying to tell you I feel alone in our marriage and you didn’t take me seriously.” But she also kept up the affair after telling me she ended it and we went to couples counseling, sooo…
Looking back, sure there were things I missed and things I didn’t take seriously enough. But, and I say this 15+ years later and 12+ years into a new marriage that’s functional, the communication problems were just as much her fault as they were mine. And I think that’s true for pretty much every marriage that ends in a blindsided divorce or affair.
If your spouse isn’t picking up what you’re laying down, just be blunt about it. Figure out how to let the other person know what’s going on. Not everyone speaks the same “language” in relationships. Like, you wouldn’t go to a foreign country and get mad cuz people can’t figure out what you’re asking for when you are literally speaking a different language, right? Why do we treat our relationships differently and assume the other person knows what we need without just straight up telling them and making sure they understand?
What would I tell my younger self… Don’t get married to her lol.
I am going thru this right now, or at least the very real possibility of it. All I can say, and all I have said in therapy is looking back on it, it can seem fairly obvious that something is an issue, but that is all looking in hindsight, when thr stress of that moment are gone. Why didn’t you do ABC, you definitely could have? Well, because not only was there XYZ, but also ABC involved, plus a bit of DFG. Problem is, while that handles that exact situation, ABC is still not resolved, which can continue to fester and breed resentment that can overwhelm a relationship when really, it can be more situational blindness and value mismatch than anything
For me, I believe I have a few undiagnosed issues, ADHD, depression and prolonged grieving among them. Identifying that I have always had trouble with alexithymia was one of the differentiating factors in figuring out that it was a more chronic condition rather than a passing feeling. Treating it more like a long term medical condition than something temporary gave me some basis to work on myself and my understanding of why I do things and how I feel them. Medication can help too, especially when things feel overwhelming, it can be a way to keep moving forwards and try to keep working on yourself. I know I had to get over a big mental block with myself by recognizing using them wasnt a weakness or a crutch but more a tool to be used, similar to how antibiotics can hold microbes at bay long enough for the body to heal itself.
1MORE Triple Driver in-Ear Earphones Hi-Res Headphones with High Resolution, Bass Driven Sound, MEMS Mic, in-Line Remote, High Fidelity for Smartphones/PC/Tablet - Silver
$69.99 (as of September 4, 2026 00:36 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
RIVER OF GOODS Stained Glass Bird Accent Lamp - 8" W x 13.5" H - Tiffany Style Table Lamps for Home, Office Desk, Bedroom, Nightstand - Blue Jay Decor
(as of September 4, 2026 00:36 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Joking Hazard Enlarged Box Empty Box for Card Storage
$24.95 (as of September 4, 2026 00:36 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Fire Blanket -Certified 1500F Extra Thick, Glow In The Dark Fireproof Emergency Supplies. 500gsm, 0.5mm Thick Fire Blankets Emergency For Home. 4pc Fire Safety Emergency Blanket 40"x40" By Supa Ant
$59.96 (as of September 4, 2026 00:36 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Post Comment